When EC doesn't work

There are several times when our elimination communication just does not work. Some of those times, I know it is possible to EC through if given the same lifestyle, but it just doesn't work for us. 

We can't use EC, for example, during night time or naps. Some families are able to communicate with their infant beautifully even when they are sleeping, but there is no way it will work with our lifestyle. The biggest reason is that it is impossible for us to safely bed share. Bed sharing is when the infant sleeps in bed with the parents. We cannot safely do this, because of many reasons. For starters, I sleep walk. Not only do I walk in my sleep, but I DO stuff. Just the other day, I wanted to take a shower and the soap was not in the bathroom. I looked everywhere for it, and finally found it IN THE BED. Weird. Weird, and very unsafe for an infant. Also, our "real" bed is still at our home in Cleveland, making the bedroom beautiful for prospective buyers. The bed we are using currently is actually two twin mattresses pushed together on their bedsprings. This means that there is a giant crack in the middle of our bed. Also very unsafe for an infant! So, Jonah sleeps in a crib, in a separate room for his safety. This makes it pretty much impossible to practice EC during the night. Another thing that makes it very difficult to practice EC while he is sleeping, is that he pees A LOT in his sleep. He urinates without stirring or waking; he gives absolutely no cues.

Other times that EC isn't ideal for us is when we are somewhere that does not have a bathroom, like the grocery store for example. I have not figured out how or where to take him to potty while we are shopping. Car trips, such as the frequent drive we make between Toledo and Cleveland to visit my family, are also very difficult because not only do I have no where to take him, but my focus is on driving and not the cues of my son. Anytime that we are away from home is especially difficult. We are both a little off in our communication when we are in different surroundings. At my mother's house, I try to practice EC, but I usually get peed on several times. Between me paying attention to other things, such as my family or activities, and Jonah wanting to explore a different territory, we have a lot of missed communications!

I read about families that go diaperless 100% of the time. I am glad that they have found a lifestyle that accommodates elimination communication, and perhaps someday with future children we will too. But for now, we are quite happy to have a part-time diapered baby!

Dinner for one!

One of the many reasons that I love making Jonah's babyfood at home, is because of all the variety that I can offer. Not only does he get an array of single foods (gala apples, granny smith apples; bartlett pears, bosc pears, etc) but I can also have a little fun with the mixed foods that I prepare. Tonight for example, Jonah is having Veggie Stir Fry: 

Snow peas

broccoli

carrots

brown rice

I steamed all of the veggies in the microwave and pureed them in a food processor. I've found that blenders make smoother purees, but now that Jonah is older, he is getting used to textured purees and even a few solid foods.

The rice is a bit trickier. You could use the instant rice cereal from the grocery shelf, but I prefer to make mine at home as well as the fruits and veggies. I put the uncooked rice grains into the food processor and process them until I have a powder. With my processor, it takes a very long time and so I will often use a sift to separate the powder from the unprocessed grains and save the unprocessed grains for when I want to add texture to the cereal, or when I want to make more. This cereal will need to be refrigerated, as it can go rancid unlike the unprocessed grains. When I am ready to prepare the cereal for Jonah, I take it from the fridge and add it to boiling water. I then let it simmer for about five minutes, or until it is a smooth consistency. The instant cereal found at the grocery store is basically prepared the same way, and then it is dehydrated (the reason it comes in flakes), preservatives added to keep it fresh, and fortified to replace nutrients that are lost during the dehydration process.

For this recipe, I use either brown rice or jasmine rice. Long grained rice is usually recommended, and you can even find rice fortified with nutrients if you are concerned in that department.

A similar "recipe" to the one above is served chilled. Jonah absolutely loves it!

California Roll (yes, named after the sushi)

avocado

carrots

jasmine rice

The avocado is simply mashed, you don't need to cook it. Scoop the flesh out of the peel, and mash it with a fork. Add chilled pureed carrots, and jasmine rice (as cooked per above) I often serve this to Jonah when Daryl and I go out for sushi, along with just a taste of my miso (cooled, of course.) I know that Jonah could care less if he was served this blend, or plain green beans while we are eating sushi, but I like the idea that he is eating something similar to what is on our plates.

Please make sure any food is age appropriate before feeding it to your baby (disclaimer to save my derrière!)

Painting Eggs

Every year for Good Friday, my whole family meets at my mother's house to color eggs. This year, we were very pleased to allow Jonah and his little cousin to take part in the festivities. 

First, we placed some primary colored paint on some paper and introduced the eggs. 

We encouraged the babies to roll the eggs through the paint, making a pretty picture on the paper as well as coloring the eggs. 

Jonah was really interested in eating the egg, and rolling it off of the tray. They got cracked, but both of the babies had a lot of fun painting their first eggs for easter!

From the Mouth of My Babe

From the moment I found out that I was pregnant, the moment I saw that faint, yet unmistakeable pink line, I have been waiting for something. I have had so many wonderful experiences as a mother since that moment- all of the joys of pregnancy, the birth of my first child, the milestones that he has crossed- but I have still been waiting for something.

One word, one tiny little word that lets me know that my son recognizes who I am, that he knows that I am the one who cares for him, who loves him, and lets me know that he loves me too. Until last week, I was a mother. But now, I am very proud to say, I have been dubbed by my son as "Mom."

It happened very gradually. It began as a syllable he would repeat over and over if he wanted something. "Momomomom.....Momomomommmmmm...Moommmmm...." I guess I will get used to that, as I'm told it doesn't change much. Then it started to become more focused. He would look at me with outstretched arms "Momom! Momom!" Then, on Saturday it happened. Clearly, unmistakably. 

Jonah was napping while I was folding laundry. I heard him startle and then wail out, on the monitor. He was pretty upset about having woken up. When I rushed into his room, picked him up out of his crib, he laid his little head on my shoulder, tears wiped on my cheek and his slobber soaking through to my shoulder. He lifted his head up a little... "Mom." then went back to sucking on my shirt.

Perhaps it is a little conceited to take so much joy in relishing this moment. I am now Mom. No longer Jess, or Miss Jessie, or that childhood nickname my dad had for me: Bo. I'm Mom.... mom... That word is pretty loaded. That word is reserved for boo-boo healers, monster chasers, bully handlers, story tellers. And now, it's me. Conceited or not, it is every "mom's" rite of passage to bask in the thought that their child can say their name. Their child knows who they are.

On Tuesday, during my father-in-law's birthday celebration, the family was sitting around the table waiting for dinner. Jonah was in his high chair, enjoying a biter biscuit. He is beginning to experiment with gravity by throwing everything off of his high chair. His biter biscuit, although he really was enjoying it thoroughly, was no exception. Over the side of the chair it went. As I picked it up, and Jonah began to realize that I was NOT going to put it back on his tray, he became very upset. As I walked back from the trash can, he said it in front of everyone. Tears in his eyes, lip puckered out... "Mom!" It was oscar material, I'm telling you. That kid melted everyone's heart at the table. Maybe I spoiled him a little, but I gave in and got a second biter biscuit, my heart singing as I unwrapped that crunchy little cookie.

Sensory Painting

Painting is such a huge sensory experience for young children, and so I love to pack as much into it as I can. Combining the senses of smell, taste, touch, and even sound enhances the activity and makes it special for Jonah. We recently did these art projects that utilize multiple senses:

Oatmeal Oceans

This project is probably one of the messiest art projects that I know of, excluding anything involving glitter of course. It provides a way for Jonah to explore the sense of touch.

I mixed oatmeal into purple, yellow, and blue paints, until it was the consistency of the oatmeal that I eat for breakfast. I plopped the globs of textured paint onto some blue paper, and encouraged Jonah to put his hands into it. At first he looked at me as if to say "really? I can touch that?" Then he went to town! 

The reason that I call this project Oatmeal Oceans, is because a long time ago a co-worker of mine thought that the oatmeal texture made the paint look like the crests and foam of the sea. The name stuck, and I can't think of it as any other thing.  Jonah's painting, however, did not look like wave crests! Very little of the oatmeal actually stayed on his paper. He enjoyed squishing it in his hands so much, that any time he saw some just sitting on the paper, he had to pick it up. 

When he was done squishing, he saw fit (of course) to throw it on the floor. He did smash it against the paper, but he opted to remove the oatmeal from his painting. He is an oatmeal minimalist, I guess.

Jackson Pollock would be proud!

Primary Circles

I dipped the edge of a formula can into primary colored paint.

I put a piece of white paper on Jonah's tray, and encouraged him to bang the can up and down on the paper. You can use oatmeal containers or bread crumb containers- anything cylindrical- if you don't have formula cans handy. This activity introduces sound into our art. The formula can makes a nice metalic "thunk" every time it hits the paper.

 It also encourages a movement that is very vital in the way older infants and young toddlers explore the world- BANGING. Banging is very important. If you've ever observed a one year old trying to figure an object out, you know what I mean! Jonah enjoyed banging and exploring the can, and the colors on the paper, but he didn't seem very fond of the loud noise. Noises have been scaring him very easily recently. Next time I will use the oatmeal container, which has a softer sound when banged. 

Cloth is the Better Fit for our Family

"Why don't you just put him in a disposable for now?"

I get asked that question just about as often as I was asked "Why don't you just give him a little bottle of formula?" when I was exclusively breastfeeding. 

I really would like to answer back "For the same reason that you don't temporarily wear paper panties!" Maybe I will someday, but for now I usually just smile and say that I like the cloth better. My answer is usually met with that face people make. The "Are you crazy?" face. The "Are you stuck in the dark ages and can't get with the times AND crazy???" face. I have heard a lot of arguments in favor of  the disposable diaper, but none of them seem to stand up to scientific facts and the time honored traditions of cloth diapering momma know-how.

One argument is that cloth really isn't better for the environment. That in fact, they are worse for the environment than disposables. The reasoning behind this is taking into consideration all of the electricity and water each household uses to wash their cloth diapers. Most proponents of this argument claim that because there is no washing involved in disposables, that there also is no electricity, water, and waste water involved. Unfortunately, they have not taken into consideration what happens to the environment before that diaper ever hits their baby's bum. All of the energy, electricity, and water that is used at the factories to make those diapers is forgotten. All of the waste that is pumped out of those factories falls by the wayside, and the countryside, and the riverside. And then, there is the packaging and shipping of the diapers as well. When you consider that this process is done over and over and over, the waste per disposable diapered child becomes exponentially larger than the "waste" created by those parents washing their child's cloth diapers. 

Another argument that I hear a lot, is that disposable diapers are more absorbent. Yes, this may be true (although with the number of leaks I've seen with infants in disposables seems to be much greater than the number of leaks that I've encountered with Jonah's cloth) But why would that be? Why would a paper product be more absorbent than a cloth product? Which is more absorbent: the paper towel, or the terry cloth dish towel? (hint: it's the dish towel) So  why are disposable diapers more absorbent than cloth diapers? Because the disposable diapers have chemicals in them to make them more absorbent. Cloth diapers have materials such as cotton or hemp to give them absorbency. Disposable diapers have chemicals such as dioxin (related to liver disease and immune system suppression) and polyacrelates (causes al

lergic reactions, severe skin irritations, scrotal and perineal tissue bleeding, toxic shock syndrome, staph infections, and many many more averse symptoms.) Dioxin is a by-product of the bleaching process, and can be avoided if you buy unbleached, chlorine free diapers such as seventh generation or earth's best brands. Polyacrelates are the jelly-like beads that you can see seeping from the diaper when it has been saturated. You can often see these sticking to the baby's bottom during a diaper change. This chemical is what makes the diaper absorbent, with the ability to hold two hundred times its weight in water. Yes, that is a lot of water, but let me repeat "scrotal and perineal tissue bleeding." And you want me to put that chemical where?

We chose to use cloth diapers not only because they are healthier for our children, and environmentally friendly, but also because they fit our lifestyle. I have always been actively seeking to reduce the amount of waste that I throw in the trash. Reusable is always better, in my book. One person pointed out to me that we may be saving money, but what about the valuable time that I am wasting, taking more time to change each diaper (and more frequently, without all of that scrotal bleeding chemicals to back me up in the leaks department.) The truth is, I don't view that time as wasted. That is quality time that I am spending with my child. If I wanted to, I could fold, pin, and cover a cloth diaper faster than any parent using a disposable diaper could change. But I choose to savor this moment. I get face to face time with my son. The changing table is the perfect height for tickling games, song singing, and pat-a-caking. I talk to him about our day, what we did or will be doing, I marvel at his smile. I cherish the moments we have at the changing table. Yes, we saved a ton of money (Jonah's diapers paid for themselves before he turned three months old) but we didn't sacrifice our time to do so. In fact, I think we enhanced our time.

Also, because we use elimination communication, cloth diapers have been completely facilitating. While I'm learning Jonah's cues, he can play and have fun in a coverless diaper. I can see the exact moment that he is eliminating, and he can play freely without me hovering over him waiting to sop up any mess from a missed communication. I often will leave him with an un-pinned diaper as well, so that when I do see a communication I can quickly get him into "position" over the potty. When he wants to be free and naked as a jay bird, I can lay the diapers on the floor around him, so that there will be an absorbent barrier between his naked little bum and my mother-in-law's expensive carpet.  I honestly don't think that elimination communication would be possible with disposable diapers.

Finally, (and this is my reason more than it is my husband's) they are just plain cute. They are different and unique. There is a style of cloth diaper to match every baby's personality. On Etsy and Heyena Cart, there are tons of work at home mommies that make cloth diapers specifically for your child. You can often buy your own fabric and send it to these talented women. You can coordinate outfits to diapers, or diapers to seasons. A cloth bottom is definitely cuter to look at than a paper bottom!

Nursing Sabbatical

I am not ready to quit nursing Jonah. Although physically, my body has been handling the weaning process quite well, emotionally I've been a wreck over this. I feel a huge contradiction inside of myself over what is right and what is selfish. For those who have just begun reading, or for those with short term memory problems, my son Jonah stopped eating (we're hypothesizing) around early Novemeber. He seemed to be nursing well throughout the day, but we found out that in actuality he was only taking two ounces per nursing session. He began to lose weight, at which point my husband and I allowed medical intervention and he was put on formula. We had the hopes of returning him to the breast for all of his feedings, and I resorted to any method of boosting milk production that I could find. Herbal supplements, changes in my diet, pumping literally around the clock. It all seemed to help at first, but after a week or so of hope, would always go downhill again.

At this point, Jonah is almost completely formula fed. He nurses once a day, either in the morning when he wakes up or at night before bed. He refuses to nurse at any other time. This is heartbreaking to me, as I know the extreme benefits of breastmilk that he is missing out on. Our original plan for breastfeeding was to allow him to self wean, and to nurse at least until he was two years old, with one year being the absolute minimum. And so the feelings of contradiction come into play. I feel guilty about giving him formula, but glad to see that he is thriving, and take reassurance in knowing exactly how much milk he is taking each day. I am happy when he nurses, because then I know he is getting something that is the absolute best for him, but I am scared to push him to nurse more often because I know that my body has stopped producing enough milk for him. I feel that it is selfish to give him formula, because that is the "easy way out." I don't have to spend days trying to get my body to produce milk if I just chose formula. However, I also feel selfish pursuing breastfeeding as vigorously as I have been. It me who had decided to nurse until two years of age, obviously not Jonah's choice as he has already self weaned. Perhaps, I sometimes feel, formula is the best thing for Jonah given our past circumstances, and this quest to be back on the boob is just costing Jonah valuable time with his mommy, when I should be putting my efforts into other aspects of parenting. I need finality in this decision once and for all.

And so, this past weekend I have decided to take the drastic measure that many nursing mommies have turned to. My good friend used this method to renew her supply when her son, then nine months old, was showing signs of self weaning at an early age. She went from feeding her son formula almost with every feeding, to being able to completely breastfeed him once again. She was a working, pumping mommy, and after just two days she was able to go on to nurse her son until he was sixteen months old.

I am speaking of the nursing sabbaticle. One to three days of nothing but nursing. Nursing, and quality bonding time with my child. Everything else gets put on hold, because everything else can wait for three days. Breastfeeding my son, won't wait.

I've decided to log the entire course of mine and Jonah's sabbatical, and to share that here in our journal. Here is what happened, beginning with the preparations. I had originally planned to carry the sabbatical through the prescribed three days, but I was only able to do it for one day. I am rescheduling the full three day sabbatical for later in the week, when my environment is a little less stressful.

On Friday, I prepared for the sabbatical. I cleaned the house, did the dishes and laundry etc. I washed all of Jonah's diapers to be sure that we had enough to last us through the sabbatical, and made sure that Daryl's laundry for the weekend was done. As far as preparing my body, I was very careful in what I ate, cutting out all caffeine and other forms of laxitives. I took double my vitamins, and made sure to have my herbal infusions and teas right on schedule. These herbs include fenugreek seed, fennel seed, blessed thistle leaf, nettle leaf, and red raspberry leaf. Some of these herbs are taken to stimulate milk production, and some of them are taken to sustain a healthy femenine system. I take all herbs under the close counsel of my doctors and lactation consultant.

I picked up some books for Jonah at the library, for us to read together and look at the pictures. I gathered the stack of magazines that I have been wanting to catch up on. I washed my water jug that I had gotten for the birth of Jonah and made sure that it was full of water in the fridge. Restocked the tissues, and placed a comfy t-shirt next to the bed. During the sabbatical, I wanted to be toppless, but as we share a house with Daryl's family, I needed to have a shirt handy for quick trips to the kitchen or bathroom. I was set. Here is the timed log for how the next day went:

7:00am Jonah has woken up and gotten a fresh diaper. He is now in bed with us, nursing quite happily and vigorously. I wish he would nurse in this manner all the time.

7:25 Jonah has stopped nursing and is settling in between me and Daryl. He is reaching for Daryl's arm and laughing as his daddy responds. I love watching them interact.

7:45 Jonah went back to sleep, curled up happily between me and Daryl. It is a Saturday, so Daryl doesn't have to go to work.

10:00 I've woken up to Jonah yanking my hair and squeeling with glee. I don't know what he loves so much about hair, but I hope he gets over this fascination soon.

10:15 I've been trying to nurse Jonah for about ten minutes with no luck. He latches, sucks a couple of times, then turns his head and grunts as if looking for something else. It hurts me to give in like this, but I am getting up to make him a small bottle.

12:00 I don't know if I'm doing this right. I'm trying to offer Jonah the breast, but he is not accepting it for very long. I've already used more formula than I wanted to, but then I guess I can't expect him to stop the bottles cold turkey. I have been offering the breast first, and when that is refused I offer a few ounces of formula. I am becoming discouraged, but it is time for lunch

1:00 I fed Jonah lunch and had something to eat myself. It is time for nap now. I am going to read Jonah a story and then we will have a nap together.

2:00 Jonah fell asleep while nursing. He hasn't done that since he was only weeks old. I let him stay latched onto the breast throughout the nap. I forgot how much I missed that bond. His soft baby skin against my body felt so sweet, and I marveled the whole hour that he slept at how beautiful and miraculous this tiny being is. I felt as if I were gazing at my newborn again.

4:00 I am beginning to feel stressed. I want to just stay in bed with my son as I had planned, but everyone is asking things of me. "Do this please" or "when will you get that done?" I don't want to deal with anything but Jonah right now. I am trying to get him to take his second nap, but this time he is refusing to sleep. I might have to take him across the hall to his own room. He is becoming too independent from me. He currently has no interest in nursing, but would rather roll around the bed playing with his toys.

5:00 Daryl has put Jonah to bed in his own room. I have decided to end the sabbatical, as I have felt too stressed this weekend to complete it. Later in the week will be less stressful as there will be less people in the house, and fewer demands on my person. I have learned a lot from this sabbatical, however short it was. I have learned how independent my son has become, as well as how dependent he can be. I definitely feel that our bond has become stronger, and it was a chance for me to hit the reset button and fine tune our communications and relationship. If I have had so many benefits from just one day, I am looking forward a great deal to what we will reap from three days.

7:00 my breasts are leaking, and Jonah is nursing vigorously. We have only used two six ounce bottles of formula today, whereas by this time he would normally have had three eight ounce bottles. I am confident, given his cues and temperment, that he has made up the difference by nursing.

Overall, I am very happy with the results of our sabbatical. It has been 24 hours since it has ended, and my breasts are still leaking. I am happy, of course, about the boost in milk supply, but I am even happier to have been able to strengthen the bond between Jonah and myself. I am excited that he is accepting the breast a little bit better at this time, and hope that our next sabbatical will improve that as well.